There are many words used to describe a Lloyd’s tour by past tourists. “Unforgettable” some said, “dangerous” said others with knowing smiles and a distant stare. When I was lucky enough to be invited along, I was at least smart enough to not have the temerity to believe that I will have seen anything like it before.

After check in at Heathrow, Duncan ‘Skips’ Hayward gave us our pre tour briefing which, unsurprisingly, provided little to calm any feelings of apprehension that this first-time tourist had. The message to remember what you are representing and the ubiquity of the Lloyd’s of London name was reiterated and heeded whilst sipping on some early morning refreshments.

The flight to Dubai was a lengthy one where the infamous Gin Club convened and where members of the senior management mysteriously had their seats in very different positions to a large chunk of the touring party. The flight itself went smoothly and our arrival at the Marriott hotel In Dubai was just in time to enjoy some local hospitality on our first night on tour.

The following morning we had a training session planned. The words “just over the main road” were thrown about as we enquired as to where we could find a bit of green space to have our team runs. This was seemingly quite a stretch, as we marched for approximately an hour in the sweltering Dubai heat to our destination. The journey took its toll on many of the more zealous partakers in the previous night’s festivities and some of the big boys. Indeed many, including myself, neglected to put on sun cream and reached training in a ‘medium rare’ state. That evening we were hosted in the financial centre by Lloyd’s MENA. The first of many memorable venues for the tour as we engaged with local insurance colleagues and clients and, if one wasn’t already, became familiar with all other tourists.

[b]UAE GAME

Played at the site of the IRB 7s, Lloyd’s took on the newly formed UAE national team. Eagerly awaiting their trip to Malaysia and the Asia Rugby Championships, the squad was large and keen to nail down their respective places in the team. The game started well for us with Tom George and James Tiarks taking the initiative with a couple of early tries. The UAE bounced back very strongly and despite an intense, and sometimes heated, battle upfront (Lorne Ward leading from the front to protect some of the younger tourists), the home team ran in a staggering five tries to leave the half time score 31-17. David Duffus touched down during UAE’s onslaught to keep us at least within two converted tries at the break. With the stirring words of the Skipper still ringing in the visitors ears the second half started well for us and after a period of heavy pressure, Bobby T was put away in the corner to dive over and give the boys some real hope. Dom Henry touched down again for an unconverted try to bring the scores to within two points in favour of the hosts. With the scores tight and the game drawing to a close, any mistake would be costly. Luckily the breakthrough came for Lloyd’s as a panicked attempt at a clearance kick was charged down by Tiarks who breezed away from the chasing defence and touched down to seal a late win for the visitors. Tom George’s monumental performance earning him the first MoM of tour. As a little booster to all tourists, it was pointed out that UAE are ranked 92 in the world and have just beaten Thailand in the Asian Cup, so Lloyd’s could now confidently boast a top 100 world ranking…

The post match function was held at the very impressive 360 bar in the shadow of the formidable Burj al Arab hotel. Festivities ran well in to the evening and many members of the tour reconvened in the hotel restaurant in the early hours of the morning to ensure nutritional advice from tour nutritionist Kieran Bowling was strictly adhered to.

It is a poisoned chalice to be part of tour management. I didn’t envy the likes of Cutts, Kirkham, Thomas etc when the time came to mobilise the troops for even the smaller trips, let alone flights to other countries. So it was that the morning came that we were to leave Dubai and fly to Brisbane for the next leg of our tour. The heavy sleepers – myself and Matthew Fitzgerald included – were roused eventually and the tour was on the road again.

Our first day in Brisbane was dominated by a day trip to Surfer’s Paradise where we were met by the renowned Mick ‘Dundee’ Lee, ate lunch on the river and watched a spot of boxing. The tour management made very clear the timings necessary for our trip back to Brisbane and, unbelievably, everyone was promptly on the bus and we were back to the hotel to enjoy a relaxed dinner in Brisbane….

Brothers Game

The Tour arrived nice and early to play under floodlight against the long standing (1905) Brothers Rugby Club. There was some trepidation that the much vaunted ‘Tongan Thor’ (Taniela Tupou) was going to be in the playing squad, however he was luckily only watching from the stands. The Brothers outfit posed a slightly different prospect to our Tourists as they undoubtedly were not near as organised as our previous opponents (who were at the time in preparation for games against Japan among others) however the raw skill and aggression some of their players possessed was something Lloyd’s in the City League is not generally used to. Another physical encounter all round with the likes of Warden and Grimstone ably enforcing for the strong Lloyd’s pack. These titanic battles only matched by some of the Brother’s larger Islander backs hammering in to the likes of Perry and Greenwood who were up to the task. The match swayed back and forth with Lloyd’s defending their line for long stretches of the game; more than one ball held up over the line showing just how far the Lloyd’s defence was pushed. Luckily as the game wore on, the fitness of the tourists showed and a Brothers side that possessed so much power and size began to fade. It was here when Lloyd’s seized the initiative and pushed the result home to clinch their second victory out of two. The after match function was held in the Brothers clubhouse where we got to know our opponents off the field with a few refreshments and some old fashioned post-match grub. Man of the match in this one went deservedly to Mr James Excell for being the world’s biggest nause (at the breakdown).

The final leg of the tour found us travelling to Sydney and staying in the world-renowned Shangri-La Hotel. As a first time tourist, despite of all the amazing dinners, functions and experiences in general that I’d had already, to open the curtains in my room and to look out on to Darling Harbour and the Sydney Opera house was something very special. It is a testament to the success of the club itself and the incredible input we have from our sponsors that young men are able to experience such things – long may it continue.

The first night out in Sydney was hosted by Lloyd’s Australia at “The Establishment” in Central Sydney. The scarf of a receipts that the paying member of Lloyd’s Australia was able to wrap around his neck and back down to the floor showed that neither the tourist’s nor the host’s thirsts were easily quenched.

The following day took us one of the most memorable events of the tour – a trip around Darling Harbour in two beautiful yachts. Many of the sun- worshippers amongst the tourists (all of them) donned the widely appreciated Tour Speedos for the trip and enjoyed the wonderful sights on offer for the afternoon.

A truly fantastic day and a nice precursor to the following evening’s grand finale against Northern Suburbs’ Invitational Side.

Northern Suburbs Game

With many of the touring party held together by more taping and strapping than Tutankhamun, the weary tourists found themselves faced with the task of booting up one last time to secure the mythical ‘clean sweep’ on tour.

With many members of Lloyd’s Australia and other friends and family present, the Lloyd’s touring squad took on the Northern Suburbs’ Invitational side made up of a variety of players from our host club. In a game that was always going to be slightly disjointed, due to the fatigue of the tourists and the lack of knowledge some of the players in the opposition had of each other, it became something of an arm-wrestle despite the good conditions. Ross Laidlaw’s metronomic boot and a few surging runs from winger David Howells were the main highlights for the spectators. As the game wore on the casualties racked up for North’s as some of their less frequent players found it difficult to maintain the tempo the visitors were imposing on the game. With a depleted bench as it is, many spectators worried that their may not be a full 15 for the tourists to finish their game against. However, in the true spirit of rugby our tour management offered some of our slightly fresher players to the opposition to swell their ranks. Given the precariously close score at this stage there were a few hearts in mouths as some of the Lloyd’s turncoats then combined with the opposition to score a try and bring the game to a nail-biting 14-12. Luckily, and with tour management sweating far more than the cool Sydney evening warranted, the boys held out and were able to claim that clean sweep and end the tour on a high. With more than 350 in attendance at Mosman Rugby Club that evening it was a fitting finale to a spectacular tour. MoM went to Mr Laidlaw – my signet ring his prize for the evening as a result.

After the post match function was dealt with – one memorable photo where the victim of a ‘shoeing’ and the perpetrator shared a beer – some tour formalities were carried out back at the hotel. We then embarked on a night out at the Ivy Club for the boys to rehydrate and make sure all the lactic was out of their system before the dreaded flight home.

Tears shed, Demons wrestled and with the words of Mr Nemeth “the four walls clause is in fact an express warranty” ringing in our ears, the tour landed back in London after a two week whirlwind.

First Lloyd’s tour done and dusted and, once the sweating resides, I know I’ll be one of the first to put my name forward to sing “Oh Lloyd’s away” on foreign shores in the future.

Gareth Stoppani aka Steppy